


Theater Mode

by perhapsibility



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Gen, I was just sick of all the heavy-handed immortal fake ah crew out there, Immortal Fake AH Crew, comedy?, look i'm just saying if i was immortal i'd be doing stupid shit all the time, maybe not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 16:30:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8379415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapsibility/pseuds/perhapsibility
Summary: They just wanted to watch a goddamn movie. It's not Michael's fault if the line was taking too long.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a Tumblr post I saw months ago. If anyone knows what I'm talking about, could you send me a link to it?

Saturday, 7:24pm. A typical busy evening at the theater. People were lined up, waiting to buy their tickets. Most likely to the newest superhero movie. There seemed to be a new one every week, Cardinal felt. It didn’t matter, she was just doing her job: ask what film, collect money, ask for rewards cards, give tickets.

“C’MON! It’s about to start!” a man somewhere in the middle of the line started shouting. Internally, Cardinal’s soul was rolling her eyes. She of course could do nothing from the physical plane but continue her work. Hecklers gonna heckle, she figured.

“Yeah, um, one ticket for, uh….” The man in front of her stared with a glazed expression to the movie posters displayed behind her.

_Jesus Christ dude at least learn what fucking movie you’re gonna see….._ Cardinal screamed in her head, but kept a pleasant and patient smile on her face. She used to love movies as a kid. That changed by her second day on this job. She hated the movie industry and all it stood for with an unbridled passion now. _Simply because of assholes like **you.**_

“Fucking Christ let’s get a move on!” the heckler started yelling again. Cardinal took a quick look at who was causing the commotion. Some kid in his early twenties, it looked like, with curly reddish-brown hair was bouncing on his toes impatiently. He then turned to continue a conversation with his blond friend who was laughing his ass off. Golden sunglasses were resting on top of the heckler’s friend’s head.

Cardinal took the glaze-eyed man’s credit card and swiped it, not entirely certain which ticket he wanted, but figured it didn’t matter all that much whichever one she charged him for. He obviously wouldn’t know if he was watching the right film. She decided to give him the 3-D version as well, just to be safe. “Enjoy the show!”

After that, the line moved at a nice pace. Still slow, but the feeling of progress was being made. Until a heavyset woman with an offensively bright pink shirt and still wearing sunglasses came up to the counter. _Probably so she can see past that shirt…_ Cardinal figured, trying hard not to squint obviously.

“Yes, I want the 2 o’clock for that one romance movie—“

_It’s 7:30?_ Cardinal wondered. _And which romance? There’s five listed…._

“The 4 o’clock for that one there—“ the woman pointed to a poster behind Cardinal, but Cardinal couldn’t turn around fast enough to see which was being referred to, “—Aaaaand….. What’s that one movie with Nicolas Cage?”

“Um, he doesn’t have a movie right now….” Cardinal was reasonably confused.

“No! Stupid! The other one!”

Cardinal was losing patience. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean…?”

“Idiot! You know!? That one where he had long hair!? He looked so handsome in that one…” Cardinal couldn’t tell due to the woman’s sunglasses, but she was pretty certain a dreamy expression was forming on her face. Cardinal’s face, however, was etching into something more along the lines of revulsion.

“The….Sorcerer’s Apprentice……?” Cardinal was out of ideas.

“Yeah! That one! A 6 o’clock to that one!”

“Ma’am….. That’s literally im—“

_BAM!_

There were three whole seconds of silence while everyone processed what just happened. That noice was a gunshot, Cardinal just realized. Almost comically, a sickening _thump_ hit the floor right at that moment.

Cardinal noticed the heckler reholster his pistol, careful to keep his white shoes out of the growing red puddle coming from what Cardinal thought was the heckler’s friend, a huge red hole in the side of his head. “Get. Out.” The man growled.

_Oh my God…._ Suddenly, everyone in the room was screaming and scrambling for the door, pushing and shoving and punching. Cardinal was frozen to her seat in panic, as well as with the fact that she was trapped behind a counter. Once the heckler felt the room had cleared enough, he sauntered over to the counter.

“Yeah, two tickets to _Father’s Day?”_ he said as if nothing had happened. He began reaching into his pockets. Cardinal watched his hands in fear.

“T-t-t-two….?” Cardinal was shivering.

“Yeah, for me and that asshole lying on the floor there.” He indicated his clearly dead friend with a quick glance, then pulled his wallet out of his pocket.

“But….” Cardinal couldn’t finish her sentence. She just stared in shock.

“Eh, he’ll be fine. Fuck knows he certainly’s been through worse this week alone.” He started rifling through his wallet. “How much?”

Cardinal startled away from her transfixion of the body. “Um, twelve?”

“DOLLARS!?” Cardinal jumped from his sudden change in volume. He seemed horrified by the thought. “Jesus Christ that’s high!”

“It’s- it’s the price—“

“Yeah, but that’s still a lot of money for a shitty movie!” The man widened his eyes and let of a sigh of resignation while pulling out a ten and a five from his wallet, then handed it to Cardinal.

“Oh….” As Cardinal was shakily inputting the man’s money into the register, a groan came from middle of the room. “Oh, bloody hell….”

Cardinal squeaked in surprise as she saw the corpse begin to push itself to the side.

“He-Hey! Gavin! Buddy! How ya doin’ boi!?” the heckler turned around to greet Gavin with outstretched arms, as if he just walked through the theater’s door, rather than pushing himself out of a pool of his own blood.

“Christ alive, what a headache. Gimme some warning next time, wouldja!?” Gavin pushed himself up to a sitting position, and began nursing his head. Covered in blood but sans hole, Cardinal noted. When did that happen?

“What can I say? I was caught up in the moment!” The heckler was now kneeling beside Gavin, hand on his shoulder but still obviously trying to avoid getting blood on his clothes.

“Maybe next time I’m all buggered up I’ll shoot you in the—Aw, bollocks! Look at my shirt! Michael! You ruined it!” The entire front of Gavin’s blue shirt was now sopping wet with blood, to the point of almost looking black. “I can’t watch anything like this!”

“Why not? It’ll dry, wash out. I think.” Michael had a hint of laughter in his voice and a large smile on his face.

Gavin groaned. He kept examining the state of his clothes. Finally he looked up pleadingly into Michael’s eyes. “Michael….”

Michael rolled his eyes and stood up. “Look, I just paid her! I shot you in the head! I don’t wanna go back _now_ after all that! The movie’s probably already started!”

“But, Michael………..” Gavin looked as if he could cry at any second.

 With a sigh, Michael relented. “ _Fine!_ Just, give me a minute.” He turned back to Cardinal who, although was still quite shaken up, had managed to regain a large enough fraction of her composure as time went on. “Look, sorry about all that, um…” Cardinal began to open the register to return Michael’s fifteen dollars. “No, wait! Um, actually, keep it. Y’know. For the trouble.”

Cardinal had no idea what to say. The shock basically knocked all sense of thought out from her, so she was still having trouble figuring out which words she should even use.

“Also, um,” Michael then pulled a fifty-dollar bill out from his wallet and slid it across the counter to her. “Here. For the mess. Sorry about that.”

Cardinal pulled the bill toward herself, then watched as Michael turned around to attend to Gavin. “C’mon man, I shot your fucking head, not your legs!” He reached under Gavin’s arms and helped him up from the floor. “Geeeeeet up!” he groaned. Gavin giggled, then the two began to make their way for the door.

“Michael, boi?”

“Yeah, boi?

“Could you not do that again, boi? It really hurts!”

“We’ll see, Gavin. Depends on the size of the line.”

And finally, with the sound of Gavin’s groaning, the two were gone.

It felt like Cardinal was staring at the door for hours, but it must have only been for a minute. The sound of sirens outside jerked her back to reality.

What was she ever going to say?

**Author's Note:**

> btw, this is literally my first fic i've written IN YEARS. It's also the first fic I've ever published. I'm cool with some criticism, but just keep that in mind, cool? thanks!


End file.
